My silent battles

@EternalFlower I’m not sure if it was standard set of questions that psychiatrist was working through ie allergic to meds, strength of current meds, cigarette, alcohol or drug usage.
In referral from gp it mentioned PTSD, anxiety and depression. Psychiatrist asked variety of questions about my anxiety and panic attacks prior to saying that lot of people with anxiety and/or panic attacks have OCD traits. My OCD traits = double checking doors, both home and car, are locked. Also order of things; my wardrobe is in specific colour order plus inside the colour order is design order (tops with no design then with nature based designs and then animal related designs. Each colour hung from light to dark shades.). Aces in solitare must be placed in a specific order. Laundry must be washed in specific colour order, if I use pegs they must match or be similar colour to every item.

after really bad experience I had couple years ago I was very anxious about today. Huge relief knowing I was heard and that it was 2 way conversation. Brief aspects of experience with previous psychiatrist include not being listened to, being told lies, (what I think was) exposure therapy started in first appointment.

@Flutterbug9 I'm so glad that you felt heard and not pressured sweet. It sounds like a positive experience all round and it's good that you have another appointment next week.

@Flutterbug9 what an awesome psych

I refer to him as a time and money waster @EternalFlower a psychiatrist who appeared total oblivious that he triggered me whilst in first appointment and left his room upset.

@Flutterbug9 my experience with psychiatrists in the past has also not been good. I find i hope them to be "different" but they end up being the same. In public i've had some nice ones, but ones i paid ended up being quite cold about my care in crises.

My ocd traits are very different, as yours sound like they have some merit in reality. Mine are more detached/paranoid things that don't really have a rhyme or reason. I realise also i eflt so unsafe in the world, so a lot of my life was trying to go to same places eg same coffee shop, convinced that was a "safe place" - i had some exposure therapy with a therapist at PARC who suggested every day i go to a different coffee shop and I found that hard for some reason. in my head only certain ones are ok. I feel like what could happen if i changed that routine, chaos. Which isn't realistic, but just obsessive/coontrollikng thoughts i get

@EternalFlower When I mentioned to my therapist I feel I have OCD traits, as part of talking about them, one thing that was mentioned was about impact on the person.

my therapist said, based on her training, I have OCD traits but not OCD. Things that I find compulsive bring me calm and feelings of safety.
my therapist described OCD as things that if people don’t not do it causes fears and inner tormoil.

I have self assessed Autism with a fairly high score. As part of my Autism I need routine, doing the same thing the same way etc for me mind to feel calm and as a coping mechanism

@EternalFlower I’ve been thinking about your comment about the cafes. How only going to certain, specific cafes feels ok and safe and that going to others gives you a sense of fear.

Based on the way my therapist described OCD plus things I remember from a webinar about OCD, things you mentioned make sense. Have you spoken to any MH specialist about do you maybe have OCD?

maybe members or moderators who have lived experience with OCD might be able to give some insight

last couple months it feels like each time I turn the proverbial corner there is something new for me to try to deal with. Yesterday I was strongly encouraged to apply for ndis. I read one bit on their website that mentions to contact a community contact if unsure if might meet medical eligibility. I sent email off with summary of my health and limitations caused, asking for info. Their reply contained nothing but questions for info, which I think might be, to register me onto their system. Wondering now if I’m best to go to local ndis and talk to one of their staff in person. Idk. Don’t even know if I need to make appointment if that’s the case or if I can just go to their office.

hey @Flutterbug9 there was talk iin public health of getting me a autism/ocd test - some kind of neurological thing, i said yes but we haven't done it yet.

I was assessed by Sathya Rao , an expert in personality disorders, who said I don't have bpd, and I also don't have OCD, but am a bit obsessive.

For me, the OCD falls into anxiety - but I am obsessional, I do get fixated. I have a good memory and attention to detail and little things seem to matter to me.

Re cafes, it bothers me a bit, i didn't realise it until I was at parc. Little choices can be very big for me, sometimes. Thats the ocd stuff. Like which shampoo to buy or whatever. Things that don't matter. And then the exposure therapy would be trying a diff shampoo.

@EternalFlower maybe this might provide you with some info

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_disorder

@Flutterbug9 thank you, i hve a bit of ocd i think.