Family counselling

Thankyou @Appleblossom, I'll reflect and consider. Feeling jumpy as vulnerable family member may have blocked me. Back to my go-to, the mindfulness of mundane activities. Glorious day here.

Take care.

So glad you draw strength from your chiurch community. When I'm brave enough I'll make contact with a local church whose current pastor and values seem impressive.

My church community is a very mixed bag. @Dimity we don’t even have a permanent pastor. Heaps of politics. My learning has been to take off the rose coloured glasses and wise up. KI did have to admit to a young mother who comes with her family sometimes, that it was a bit of a mix. I would not have survived it, without my NDIS supports. I give professional grade service, and at least the good thing is that I do receive quality at times. So today there were 2 discussions about ministry with quality persons. It is not a place where I really get support, more a soul tempering.

It’s been a river rapids ride including a dude with Phd in New Testament studies who wanted a bit on the side. Churches are full of humans.

About 2 months into being no-contact with a vulnerable family member who decided I wasn't on their side. When I'd struggled for years to try to support them. It's painful and worrying, and leaves me in jeopardy.

@Appleblossom I'm sad to see them constantly revert to an erroneous narrative that originated in trauma and abandonment, but perhaps many of us are guilty of that.

I am sorry your vulnerable sister is struggling with trust issues and blocking you @Dimity. I know you have cared for her and tried to look out for her in various ways. It can be shocking and confronting and worrying about her wellbeing. If it goes on, maybe grieving for the relationship you thought you had

Substantial health and mental health issues and historical trauma stress any family dynamic. I have seen it in so many families, not just my own.

The fashion in blocking people is very harmful fashion imho, and I hope it shifts, into seeking understanding and reconciliation rather than judgement.

Generally, I looked to latest practice, therapies and academic studies to understand and navigate my own situation. Tbh, now after 40 years of observing and upgrading and refining my knowledge, I am very concerned about the state of humanity and families and society. All the so called knowledge, expertise and services seem to have created more vulnerabilities and lower social cohesion. I am just sad, and then there is also my personal experience. Weary sigh.

we both had hope in trying for family counseling.

here for you if you want to talk about it

💙🍎

@Appleblossom thanks for understanding.

I mostly struggle with verbalising or articulating feelings and at the moment have an internal maelstrom. I wish we'd been able to start multilateral family counselling. Without it I have no GPS guiding me in the right or least wrong directions to go in.

I'm confronting some very difficult decisions. Maybe I'm overthinking things, my anxiety levels are pretty high.

My parents were neglectful in many ways, I never received reassurance or emotional support

I guess so many parents were struggling to keep a roof over their kids heads and bread on the table. Emotional intelligence is relatively new for many people. It’s not my strong suit. With the modern insights, I wish we had tolerance and acceptance while working through misunderstandings. If only!

@Dimity

I know the feeling of maelstrom. Thanks, I have not used that image before. Better verbalising it than more problematic ways of expressing it. The issue seems for me, to be disentangling all the parts.

Keep doing the daily doing the right things for you.

🙏🍎

@Appleblossom yes the roof over heads and food on the rable were definitely priorities. Clothes a long way after. Education always a goal. Affection and moral guidance weren't on the agenda; children didn't need conversations.

I'm working towards establishing good routines. The afternoon walk is one success. Other efforts are periodically derailed by new and repeated worries but maybe consistent return is nearly as good as constancy.

I need to learn how to assert my needs with family. I've been badly let down. But I know I don't have a lot to offer.

@Dimity I like the subtlety of consistent returns and constancy. I always felt you had spiritual discernment. Maybe I am similar. I keep on with due diligence and directing my thoughts and in wholesome ways. I try but have many challenges with that.

yes, good getting a walk in

I walked twice once to a close little park and once to supermarket for supplies and I gardened today plus church. I have been badly triggered by a nasty Nelly at church. Productive movement and activities are my go to, but I haven’t recovered. Trying to put protective measures in place.

I didn’t think families were about market forces. Your inclusion and respect should be appreciated for what and who you are, simply by fact of birth. I can’t believe how judgy the world has become. Betrayals and too much competition is not good.

Sending you healing prayers

🙏🌹🙏💐🎶🍏

Oh dear I'm sorry the nasty Nelly triggered you @Appleblossom . Sometimes movement and activities aren't enough to shake the inner upset, we need to redirect our focus somehow to break out of the thought pattern. I get it re it being challenging despite due diligence. Be kind to yourself, seek solace if you can.

Today I got out the Dutch hoe instead of weeding but didn't have the stamina to last long. It's very dry, and the ground is hard.

Respect can be a rare commodity. Mutual respect is very important to me and I'm probably over-sensitive if it seems lacking, as can be the case in health settings. It might start with mutual recognition. I didn't feel seen in my family of origin let alone heard - perhaps why I so often feel mute. But I can antagonise people with my directness sometimes if provoked. But I'm so much alone I lack practice in tact and diplomacy. When my vulnerable family member attacks me I fall silent.

I feel unworthy of the few family still communicating. And I'm in a bind re pursuing some current needs.

When the world feels threatening I retreat to trying to feel in control of my own small space. Today I filled a large garbage bag with neighbourhood litter.

@Dimity

Yes, hearing you about the limitations of movement and managing inner upset. I just couldn’t do much music yesterday. The worship committee wanted to do a relaxed warm up to worship, and I brought in percussion to share. Most people love it, but a lady was mean and she knows that most of my music is sensitive, classical and apt. There is so much going on at that church. They are struggling to survive. I expressed my suicidal ideation in a public place and burst into tears. Not sure who heard the church was emptying. I did have a talk with the conductor later, but am still agitated nearly 24 hours after. Did sleep with meds. Just did my physio exercises. Yes I know what you mean about regrouping and consistent returns.

I and other vulnerable people I know pick up others rubbish. Its something useful and care for creation.

I can relate to feeling invisible in my family too. Funny how that often means our good works are often not seen.

Tbh I reflect these days on the little bits of body language in others walking by in the streets, that show I have been physically seen, nod, smile or moving out of the way. Yes I am still a person and alive. This is after much abandonment, rejection, silencing and smirks and ridicule by extended family.

The ground can be extremely hard, especially Red clays. I have worked steadily for 23 years to improve the soil quality in my garden, so these days the garden beds on my property are reasonable, its the court and verges that are tough. I plant tough plants and get them to do some of the work breaking down the soil.

It’s sad that family can’t be loyal and decent. Yes, having good discussions can help people work through things, but people have to want to try. I know most people have pain in their lives.

I think you are worthy.

Music in Albury

the mansion is a beautiful space

and it can help our solitude

to have food for the body and soul

🙏🍏