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Managing relationships

Loving my partner who has Autism, ADHD and BPD

BrotherT97 New Contributor

Loving my partner who has Autism, ADHD and BPD

Hey everyone

I'm new here and need some advice on something. My beautiful partner suffers from ADHD, BPD and autism, we've been together for approximately 4 months now but known each other for over a year as close friends.

Recently I've brought to her attention of how these conditions are affecting my own health (mental) by telling her a hard truth of saying its hard work sometimes coping with all her trauma responses, BPD outbursts and rapid mood swings are mentally exhausting me. I will admit that my delivery of it wasn't adequate but I buckled under pressure and lost the words of explanation I wanted to convey to her to let her know I meant no malicious intent and didn't mean to hurt her feelings

She's currently going through the paces about it all right now and I feel as if I've triggered trauma which I never intended to do to her. I just wanted to address that with her energy and her conditions is hard work sometimes, I'm constantly readjusting myself to suit the mood or the behaviour. Constantly unsure if I step in and reassure love or to step back and let it play out. Just to note, she is never lashing out at me but everything else around her

I was only looking out for my own mental health and hoping that she's willing to work this out with me so we can both move forward with our relationship. I wanted her to see it through my eyes, see that it is hard work and I'm trying my best

She's told me that she can't stand being tools she's hard to be with from previous partners, I only wanted to tell her the truth on how it's affecting me is all. I never meant to hurt her

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In response to: Loving my partner who has Autism, ADHD and BPD

wonderingalice1 Moderator

Re: Loving my partner who has Autism, ADHD and BPD

Hi @BrotherT97 welcome to the forums

Thank you for sharing. I can hear how much you deeply care for your partner, and you were trying to communicate and be honest about your capacity and mental health, and how to navigate supporting her whilst also looking after yourself.

Sometimes the words don't always come out the way we hope, and they can bring up experiences for the other person. It makes sense that this may be upsetting for both of you.

It can be helpful to discuss communication including learning about what helps each person feel safe, understood and supported in these types of conversations.

It can be difficult to manage this on your own, i'm glad you have reached out here to share. I'm sure other forums members also resonate with this, caring for someone deeply while also learning how to communicate and care for themselves in the relationship too.

For some people it can help to get a bit more support for themselves to prioritise their own wellbeing, including guidance and support with communication and boundaries in relationships.

I hope you find the community a supportive space, this is a safe space and many members share their own experiences, you can always reach out and share we are here alongside you.

Wonderingalice1

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