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Struggling with friend

anothergamenerd New Contributor

Struggling with friend

So this friend. I had been frequently updating them on life and such while I hadnt been able to really hang out due to work and studd so texting was the main source of contact.

I had a rather triggering event which caused me to go silent for a whole and they thought it was something they did after me reassuring them it wasnt.

They then decided to tell me what was in my capasity and ability to do. Im autistic and adhd and so are they in different levels. So I got very caught on this. No one should be able to tell me my capasity for things. Especially when im experiencing near homelessness and working is rhe only thing I can do right now and they got upset with me about not being able to hang out in person and I have severe agoraphobia mind you. In my opinion. Im not here to diagnose myself. Anyway. I tend to ramble and idk if anyone is even gonna see this. If you can message me do so and ill send more details if you have questions. I just feel insane.

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In response to: Struggling with friend

MindfulMango Moderator

Re: Struggling with friend

Hey there @anothergamenerd,

It sounds like the recent interactions you've had with this friend, has left some really unpleasant feelings for you.

Maintaining friendships as an adult isn't always easy. Unfortunately the older we get, the more responsibilities we tend to get too, and that usually leads to changes in friendship dynamics, as we lose the ability to be constantly available to friends. I can see how much effort you're putting into this friendship! Even if it's not physically meeting up, ensuring that you're constantly communicating through text, can take a great deal of effort too!

From what you've said, it seems like you and your friend have different ideas on what the friendship should look like. Whilst it's completely okay for them to value face to face meet ups in relationships, it's also not okay for them set this expectation on you, without considering your situation or what you feel is valuable in the friendship.

It's understandable that their comment around your capacity isn't sitting right with you. At the end of the day, you're the one who should be able to dictate what you would like to spend your time doing, and what should be prioritised in your life. Telling you that something is within your capacity, without actually asking you about how you feel, I imagine would have been invalidating.

Although it might not be easy to do after the conversation you had with your friend, it's important to continue prioritising your wellbeing above all. It might sound really cheesy, but the people who truly care about us, are usually able to offer us space and understanding!

If it all feels too much, please know that there are services that you can connect to for counselling support, like BeyondBlue, Lifeline, or 13Yarn.

Sending extra compassion your way tonight!

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