Grief & Identity Loss

Hi @BRNY14

Welcome to the forums. I’m about to go to bed and will reply tomorrow if I have the time.

Im sorry it has been such a hard road for you. Your whole life has upended

The biggest thing I want to say though is the ‘you’ who you were has gone. Life changes and changes is. So you won’t find yourself again. But what you will find is a new and improved you. I know that sounds cliche but I’m just starting to discover it myself. I have bipolar 2, ADHD and autism. My world crashed for no reason 5 years ago. My bipolar just hit out of the blue. Never knew it was there. But in the last week, I have found the place of contentment I want to be in. It only lasted a few days but I saw what the new me is like and who I can be. It’s different to the me of before but I actually think it’s a better version as I’m now stronger as a person with so many more self care skill and so much more knowledge under my belt.

I don’t think this was helpful at all but this has been my last few days after 5 years. I’m not there yet and know that I have a long way to go still but I did get to see a glimpse.

Hi @BRNY14, it was very wise for you to reach out and share on this forum.

Most people don't "move on" from grief - it stays the same size but your life grows around it over time. Right now, grief is filling your "life jar" and pressing on the sides causing pain, but over time as your life jar grows the grief will have more room to move and touch the sides less often.

If there is something positive you admired about your boyfriend, you can embody that in your own life going forward as an enduring bond.

We are the sum total of our life experiences, and we if we are smart about it we learn from them - both good and bad experiences. That's how we get wisdom over the years. You can be taught or read about something and think you get it, but you don't really get it until you live through it.

During times like this, I find it helpful to focus on life's basic necessities and remember the acronym EAST - Eating healthily, staying Active (exercise is particularly important, even walking), trying to get good Sleep and spending Time with/making friends.

Regular grounding helps, particularly keeping yourself focussed on the present moment. https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/support-toolkit/techniques-and-guides/finding-relief-through-grounding-techniques

@BRNY14 I know what it was like around your age. My friend was an astrologer and told me about something called a Pluto square Pluto generational transit which occurs for everyone around that time in your life depending on when you were born. Look up Pluto square Pluto transit

I just recall hitting rock bottom, having my life totally decimated, suffering major health problems and losing everything. All around me everything was destroyed and I was left standing with nothing. I wondered what on earth do you do to recover from such a thing? The future did not look bright. At your age is usually when womens health tends to break down.

I began researching healthcare and went across to a site called Curezone which is a health advocacy website for people who need peer support on their health recovery journey. It was during dial-up on the internet so information was very hard to come by back then but I slowly began to make changes.

I researched everything I could later when there was broadband attended online health summits within the free allocated time window. Since broadband there was so much health freedom that I was making further steps in the right direction.

With Pluto square Pluto while things get taken from you, after the transit it replaces it with something a lot better. Since then my life began to gradually improve. It wasnt the life I once lived but I had better things in my life. My health was responding and my life flourished

I would have to say the entry into your 40's is a rite of passage, and it signals to you to get rid of things that dont enhance your value as a person. I think your break-up was a good idea. He wasnt genuine and you dont need someone like him who was not prepared to stand by you. In time you may grow to see he didnt serve your best interests. I think despite how desperate things are now you can rebuild. Its possible.

I didnt get back my old life but ended up getting an improvement in my situation. It doesnt mean negative things wont happen but I loved the life I was leading despite some of the health handicaps I had which stopped me from participating in life fully.

I believe anything is possible if you hold the vision in your mind of your healthiest most vibrant self. I have always believed your future is seeking you! You will then draw that probability into your sphere of existence

Remember the saying: "Life Begins at 40"? Its so true. I'm now turning 57 next month and am deciding to age backwards

I hope this gives you some encouragement no matter how you may feel at the moment. You can do anything you set your mind to. You only have to just believe! ♥️

Hi@BRNY14,

Sounds like you have gone through some very tough times. It is important to focus on your healing and what works for you. Do what feels that is going to help you the most in terms of well being. If that means going back to your town then so be it.

I'm sorry that your relationship did not work out. The fact that this person let you go when things got tough says a lot about them. They were most likely never going to be committed to you. You mentioned that your family thinks they were abusive. A lot of women end up with severe mental health conditions from abusive partners not to mention their children too. It may well be a blessing in disguise even though it's not going to feel like that right now.

I hope you get better soon and don't blame yourself that it didn't work out. The issue wasn't with you it was them. You put all the effort in. Take care and get well.

Thankyou for sharing. i too am going through a deep wave of grief and identity loss from an injury that was mismanaged. I too have been feeling deeply isolated and its great to have found this thread for a sense of solidarity. i have never experienced grief like this, loss of who i was, loss of future and dreams , loss of hope, but i am choosing to find some light

Welcome to the forums @findingidentity . I hear you are going through a deep wave of grief and loss - it sounds incredibly tough. I hope you find the connection and support you deserve as a way to help you through this.