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Starting to think I’m not anxious but just right

marigold Casual Contributor

Starting to think I’m not anxious but just right

So I get really chronically depressed and anxious about being stupid, loser, weird, no gf, etc and apparently it’s anxiety but I think it’s not anxiety and that what I think is actually true. I was in special education for being stupid. I am strange and don’t talk at all really. Don’t have anyone in my life so how is that even anxiety if I’m just right? I was bullied my entire life, have some sort of psychosis and take anti psychotics which is probably bs too. Don’t work because I get rejected from every single job and even when I had a job (edited by moderator) each day after work because of how bored and lonely I felt once I got home.

only joy is when I drink alcohol and abuse it. Video games give me no joy at all anymore really so some would say just enjoy the simple life but can’t even do that since everything’s so boring and unsatisfying. I feel like unless you’re in a relationship I feel I have no meaning. I can hardly speak properly because of a speech disorder which makes socialising boring and frustrating.

seeing a psychologist is pointless because they have never helped improve my life. Only joy I get while sober is gardening like propagating plants, seeds, etc and wildlife. Oh and to make things worse I have now high blood pressure, silent gerd (probably from abusing alcohol), asthma, substance abuse disorder, had several surgeries, being assaulted several times and robbed.

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In response to: Starting to think I’m not anxious but just right

Wintersweet Senior Contributor

Re: Starting to think I’m not anxious but just right

@marigold

I can relate to the frustration of people dismissing things that I think are actual problems as “just anxiety”.

Having a lower IQ, struggling socially, or being different to others doesn’t make anyone less valuable or less worthy of respect. However, it’s understandable that if someone has been bullied or rejected for those things, that they’d feel a lot of distress about it. It would be a lot to deal with, even without the health issues (which would also be a lot on their own too).

I can hear how frustrating the speech issues are for you. I’m glad you’re able to share how you’re feeling here on the forums. Hopefully this can be a place where you’re able to get a bit of connection

In response to: Starting to think I’m not anxious but just right

Rolypoly New Contributor

Re: Starting to think I’m not anxious but just right

I feel the same. I’m auDHD and only just got diagnosed. My whole life has been a struggle and now I know it will never end. I also feel that if you know you will suffer til death, it’s not anxiety, or depression, it’s reality. I can’t speak sometimes because my mind goes so fast my mouth has no chance. I ended a really lovely relationship because the very reasonable demands of a relationship was still too much. High iq is just as lonely because when I speak my friends don’t understand what I find basic. My only joy was sport and I’m injured and keep getting injured because I don’t feel pain properly. No light at the end of the tunnel. This is my first reply in forum. Hope I didn’t break rules, and just I guess a bit of solidarity for you ❤️

In response to: Starting to think I’m not anxious but just right

Radder Senior Contributor

Re: Starting to think I’m not anxious but just right

@marigold @Rolypoly

I am sorry to hear so much pain, self doubt, self blame and grief in your words. Perhaps ask yourself, "is this helping me or harming me"?

It not a question of "what is wrong with you", but rather "what happened to you".

When people are "different" to what society expects it can feel very isolating. We can blame ourselves for things that are ultimately outside of our control.

I think it helps to focus on what is within our control, seek to understand our values and positive attributes (even if they are unique), and live our lives authentically in a way that gives us meaning and purpose on our terms, not those of others. We are not defined by what is done to us, but rather by how we respond.

You are wise in reaching out for support in this forum, it says there is still a part of you that has hope. Protect and nurture that part.

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