Estrangement

Hi @QuietStrength and welcome to the forum!

Thank you for sharing your story so openly. It sounds like you've had to navigate some incredibly complex family dynamics, and making the decision to become estranged is rarely easy. As you said, it's possible to acknowledge the impact PTSD may have had while also recognising that everyone is responsible for how they treat others.

I'm sure there will be members here who have experienced estrangement from a veteran parent or from a family affected by PTSD, and I hope they'll feel comfortable sharing what has helped them make sense of their experiences.

Thank you again for posting, and I hope you find support and understanding from the community.

I called BS on my mum’s decline and treatment from Alzheimers and Cardiopulmonary disease when it became all about Dad. I was mum’s bestie, living in another state. I was comprehensively excised from any input because Dad had the shits on that I moved states for my then ex-husband. I went to a lawyer, wrote a letter with my brother who also lives in another state asking for a ‘round table discussion. The day before they were supposed to respond, she died. And other than phoning me to tell me not to visit, I haven’t had contact since. It’s been 4 months. It’s hard. But my nervous system has recovered. I recognise how broken my Dad and sisters are. I worry for my Dad. But my kids need a functioning mum, my second hubby needs a functioning wife. And I need a functioning life. Normal is strong boundaries. Never feel guilt or shame or regret for a situation someone else created.

Hi @activistempath

Thank you for sharing so openly with @QuietStrength . It sounds like you've had to navigate a lot of loss and complexity in your family relationships.

I can hear how important maintaining boundaries has been for you, and how much thought you've given to what you need to live the life you want for yourself and your family.

Thanks for sharing your perspective with the community :)

I thank Open Arms for helping me find the words for all the uncomfortable feelings I sat on, masked and put to the side to make my Dad comfortable. Before my mum’s decline his mental health was manageable with a bit of push back. He’s such a decent man, and it’s such a shitty situation. But I need to model healthy coping skills for my kids who were so close to their grandparents. Estrangement isn’t my choice, but after all the gaslighting, my brother and I are relieved it’s over for mum. 20+ years of encouraging Dad to seek support, I have accepted he needs to want to change. I’m choosing to see that my journey in life included my Dad and my sisters to a certain point, and now my journey is my own. I don’t hate him or my sisters, I’m just so sad for them, because they are missing out. Seriously though, dysfunctional Veterans really need a good Psych that goes Commanding Officer on them, because they are destroying their families.