galneedinghelp Casual Contributor
CH trauma killing my relationship?!
I’ll do my best to make this is short as I can! I’m 30yr and have been with my partner for 10years, have two children 4 & 2. Diagnosed PPD after my second and this year with inattentive ADHD, taking meds for both. My struggles are that a few times in the past year life has got too much for me (my partner works away so I’m often parenting on my own) I have difficulty letting people help and let things bottle up and then something small happens and I completely explode, I go into a ball of rage, yelling and screaming and cannot be calmed down. My partners response is to try and remove from the situation to cool down but that sets me off even more and I can become physically aggressive, must to my embarrassment. The worst part is, this has happened when our children have been around and they have seen part of this. It absolutely breaks my heart and I cannot believe my actions afterwards, but it’s like I’m locked in this state and cannot see anything outside of it. As a 2-3yr child, I suffered from huge similar emotions and was raised by a single mother struggling and when this happened she didn’t know how to handle it so her response was to lock me outside to calm down and my siblings have said there wasn’t much comfort afterwards. My understanding is when these episodes happen to me, my body is remembering the childhood trauma and when my partner removes themselves all that fear of abandonment (for better or worse words) comes back. I’m waiting to speak to someone professionally again, but how the hell do I deal with this in the meantime?? My partner currently wants to look at separation as doesn’t want kids to even witness again, which I absolutely do not either. If anyone has any form of help, I would be so so appreciative.