Codependency and Anxious attachment style

In 2021 I met a person online, [locations edited by moderator], I 25 and them 18. We both had just been through unstable relationships and jumped from A-B with not much gap in between. They have a narcissistic mother and I had a non self aware one. Our families were a big part in our mental health and due to the situation we were both in we formed a trauma bonded relationship. I took on a careers role 'I can fix this' and they being psychologically minded and studying the field found me fascinating. I only had Anxiety and PTSD formally diagnosed at the time we met and not medicated, they BPD and chronic depression on medications. I very much became there main support line when things were in high distress, I created an escape path as well as attached them to supports where I could, I took on an adult that wasn't able to fully take care of themselves. They took on an older adult that wasn't medicated and not correctly diagnosed, I came across independent and confident in my abilities to do things but also experienced burn outs that would unravel my life. While in the relationship with one another we both believed with our whole selves that "you are my person", "everything I went through led me to you", "life is complete and makes sense with you in it". Little did we each know how heavily traumatized we were individually and within the relationship, we both had intense emotions and our relationship became a log travel through rapids. We both believed so heavily "this will fix this", we were so invested in one another that we went on for a few years unhappy in our relationship - the problem was that we had really good moments during these times but good didn't out weight the bad, it just gave us false hope. Scared to be alone, believing we were it for one another, feeling stuck, trying many different things to try and make it work. This push and pull when two people are not compatible grinds you down, your belief system is clouded by your nervous system being in the fast lane - what I was actually experiencing was mania with dissociation connected to being high of my own bodies naturally created chemicals. I got a late diagnosis of type 2 ASD and BPD which placed a lot of pieces together - we were two highly wound individuals that yes could ground each other but it required suppressing our own emotions, our nervous systems bonded....so one became distressed we both were distressed, when we were both distressed we couldn't bring each other down, nor ourselves down, because of the nature of BPD we would start picking at each other perceiving each other as a 'threat'. We knew all the things to communicate that would land the way our abandonment wanted us to see to prove it right. It was such a high relationship that when it ended I felt like a big part of myself left as well, I still to this day go through day to day with a fair few of my emotions switched off, not really wanting to invest in people and naturally guarded. The thing that I took from this fever dream is that I needed to experience that, it got me into hospital which diagnosed and medicated me along with a tone of different therapies, I linked in with NDIS, I adopted 3 beautiful female cats (there was a boy as well but he is very much my ex's cat), I took a big step back from my family situation, I completed a course I tried to complete 3 different times and I have now finally been employed in the profession I have wanted to work in. The biggest thing is I was finally able to configure what it is I do and don't want from a relationship and why sticking to what you won't put up with is so important, you learn that there is always another choice something that is better for you, its just time and not chasing it.