Introducing myself

@Bottlebrush Great meeting you here. i have the same goal as you. To both receive and give back is how the keep going around goes.

Is there anything you could pass onto me to aid overcome anxiety, depression, and a life that knows love as well as rejection? i be obliged my friend i need all the help i can get.

i share you a poem about the voices not true who stuffed up much of my life before i woke up to the scam.

*

Hey Untrue!

See…

hear…

feel…?

do. do. do.

have. have. have.

take. take. take.

silencing all who oppose

breeding deep in the dark,

feeding on all that you drain—

what is it all for?

your core of corruption—

you call it life?

who built you?

who pays for your becoming?

why spend the time you’re given

on egos already decaying?

(morning after morning—

you fade a little more.)

rule…

rule…

rule…

arrogance crowns each breath

fear.

guilt.

shame.

goodness driven into hiding

innocence fractured and taken

honesty buried under your weight

addiction reigning, violence stalking,

desire turned weapon against the self—

you call this freedom?

run. hide. mask.

lie upon lie upon lie—

bending truth, pulling strings,

puppets dancing in your shadow

cowards waiting in silence

for innocence to pass by—

which face do you wear now?

where will you hide at the end?

do your answers fear the light?

curse. swear. yell.

virtue on the tongue—

rot in the core

twisting. choking. suffocating.

until the voice goes silent

and care falls away

T W I S T

S W E R V E

S T R I K E

the tongue ignites—

N O W

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C O N T E M P T

D E C E I T

D E T O N A T I O N

lies explode outward

light dimmed within

innocence consumed

how long—

before silence?

you drain what life offers

falling stars burn out

but when truth breaks through—

L I G H T

what power remains?

no more believing you

no more losing myself

OUT.

OUT OF MY LIFE—

ALL OF YOU

no more lies

no more chains

clarity—

my ground

burn…

burn…

burn…

the fire you lit

consumes you

as for me—

I rise

free

no fear remaining

a clear light within

alive. restored.

walking true

until nothing false remains

Hey friends a new face on the page! Don't you love that?

@heartathome @Taali @Realness @MissGremlin @Bunniekins @SmilingGecko

Well,

I am always willing to give an account of myself and answer anything asked of me.

Rather than specific advice I will offer insights of my 54 years.

Insight 1. If you have to ask for respect or have to tell people respectfully how you feel to be treated, unfortunately in my experience people if repeatedly need to be told or a reasonable expectation not met, chances are they may not meet that baseline request.

Insight 2. No setting an example, seeking positive outcomes for their lives will change how people treat you. Whether someone treats you well or mistreats you, ultimately it is their choice, no example setting will change that.

As for anxiety and depression, I too suffer from both and I aM currently sobbing in a car park by myself and there are more experienced people than I to give you suggestions.

Thank you for that poem, I understand the meaning, for and too me and it is understood in light of the last section.

@Bottlebrush welcome to the forums! I hope you enjoy your stay here. Theres lots of lovely people on here. Feel free to tag people with the "@" at the top of the reply and type the persons name you wish to leave the message with

@Bottlebrush Welcome to the forum family. I just read you are sitting in a carpark sobbing because you feel so depressed. Absolutely no pressure whatsoever but is there anything you’d like to talk about? Can I be of any comfort right now? You sound like a really beautiful soul and I can understand how you feel. Please reach out here and remember you are worthy of love and support.

@DownMoreThanUp Thank you for sharing how life has been and feels for you. It takes courage. Did you write the poem? I don’t have all the answers and wish I did. What I can say is that depression convinced us we are unworthy, worthless, life will never get better. It can take all our joy in things that we used to like. It drives so much pain and suffering right into our soul. Anxiety a very good friend of depression brings every worry into the forefront whether true or not. It creates havoc on our nervous system. What I can say is that none of what depression makes us feel about ourselves or life is true. Rationally I believe that but I like many others cannot get past what it does. Apparently learning to love ourselves does help. Easier said than done especially when rejection and trauma are involved. Can you name 1 good thing about yourself?

gentle hugs @Bottlebrush i know the feeling i have been crying all week. im so overwhelmed too. please reach out to life line if you need them, i have called them a few times this week.

I felt I overshares but thank you everyone for your support. I have deleted my post as I felt guilty about sharing it.

Anyway, tomorrow is another opportunity to show

love and gratitude for my family and I will pursue this until

my hearts beats no more.

Thanks for listening

I should also mention that my father has been incredibly difficult to me for decades and for 25 years ignored my existence. He contacted me late last year to tell me to stop the criticism from his siblings as he was irritated by it, after 25 years of not talking I immediately contacted my family and asked then to stop criticising him and that he was a good man.

Hi @Bottlebrush thank you for sharing some of your story with us. It sounds like you've been through a lot, and done some amazing work to try to break the cycles of abuse.

I just wanted to let you know that I've added a trigger warning to your post (apologies... it seems to have added multiple TWs, one for each paragraph. I'm not sure why/how, but I will flag it with our tech team so we might be able to work on a fix). We ask members use this function when sharing potentially triggering content (use the button that looks like an eye with a line through it if you'd like to add your own).

It's good you have found this space to share and connect, and I hope it has helped you feel a little lighter to be able to share with us here :)

@Bottlebrush

im so sorry for everything you have been through it is just truly awful, when i was 8 i was abused by a nun, she locked me in a classroom every break in the dark, i was terrified. ever since i have had severe seperation anxiety ever since. i have not had a night away from my parents since 1994. i am having severe panic attacks this week because my mum is getting older and im terrified of losing her. i am luck to have such amazing parents.

it sounds like you have had a terrible childhood and life. you have done an amazing job keeping a marriage going and having wonderful children that are protected.

i chose never to have children, i have been isolated for the past 25 years, i have no IRL friends, only people i know online. it is so hard.

i hope you can find a good psychologist or psychiatrist to be able to help you work through your trauma and CPTSD.