There's no light at the end of the tunnel. Sorry this is long ☠️

Hey there @BrokenDiscard,

Welcome to the forums!

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your experience with the SANE community. I hope that the other members are able to give you some company and support soon.

It sounds like you've been through so much, and you're finding it really difficult to feel hopeful at the moment 😔 Having to go through traumatic relationships and coping with so much grief would be so painful, it's understandable that there's a part of you that feels "done" with it all.

Sitting with such great grief on your own can be so isolating. It's fair to not have the capacity to explain what it feels like for you at the moment (after all, how do you put the depth of what you've lost in plain words?), but I also want to share a very gentle reminder that having someone sit in that space with you, even if they might not fully comprehend what you're going through, can sometimes help to process how you're feeling 🌿

Sometimes, having someone just listen, can be helpful in making sense of what has happened, especially when grief has the tendency to change the world as we see it. If you're finding that it's tough to talk to people that you know in real life about what happened, it might be good to consider connecting with a professional to have a safe space to explore all of this. Some good services to try would be: Griefline (https://griefline.org.au/) a free phone counselling service that specialises in topics of loss and grief, Beyond Blue (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/) another free phone counselling service that specialises in depression, and Lifeline (https://www.lifeline.org.au/) if you feel like you're currently in crisis.

It's okay if you're finding it tough to figure out how to move past everything that has happened. If the future is a bit hard to see right now, please know that you're allowed to just take things one step at a time, and to just think about the next week or even the day.

I'm sending extra compassion down your way, and I hope you're offering yourself the same!

Hi @BrokenDiscard,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for trusting the community with something so deeply painful and personal

You have endured losses that no one should ever have to face, and it makes sense that you feel exhausted and overwhelmed by the weight of it all. You do not have to carry this alone.

I hope this space can be somewhere you feel heard and understood, at your own pace 💛

My mum was very spiritual. Until she very nearly died, and there was no "Come towards the light" or angels singing. Just blackness

I'm so so sorry @BrokenDiscard that you have been forced to endure so much grief and heartache 💔

You have my greatest admiration that you are still here for your remaining family. That must be an enormous comfort to them.

You are one strong lady 😍 Few go through the series of horrible traumas you have gone through. Maybe one, possibly two, but not this dreadful series of immense losses that you have.

I hope you have professional support ie a psychiatrist and psychologist. I know from personal experience, that it can be vitally important.

Happy to chat if you wish, just tag me.

I am so sorry for you as you have faced the devastating loss of your precious children and grandchildren and for your loss of hope. In such a dark place of trauma, please find a clinical psychologist trained in trauma therapy who can help you process your deep pain. You are right, it is so hard to share stories with people who care about you but don’t understand the way trauma has seeped into every cell of your body.. I am thankful for this forum because there is understanding and in telling your story in a safe space you can start the healing process. Those children who loved you so much would want you to find hope again, don’t stop trying.

I'm so sorry for your trauma. Definitely agree with everyone else about finding someone. Also try a peer support worker. I find talking to a trained person on the phone really helped me -- and continues to help during those days where I need to validate grief and loss and trauma. Keep seeing trauma informed professionals. You are not alone.