Finding it hard to adjust

Hello Forum Members,

This is my first post, and I am not even sure what to write, I've been trying to run things through my head for a few hours as to how to begin. I am a 56 year old male and have only just re-entered society following 12 years in prison for things I did when I was 19 - 25, they are not good things and even though I have done my time, I am still judged to this day. I am under a lot of conditions and this prevents me doing a lot of things I would like to do, but that is what I have to accept as part of my life.

I had been married twice and have grown children who i have had no contact with since 2009, mainly due to their mothers hatred of me for the failed marriages, at the time they knew nothing of the fact that I would end up in gaol, and neither did I.I

Having been a Christian all my life, I have found one of the biggest brick walls I face today, trying to re-adjust is from the Church and well meaning Christians. No only do they want to judge me for my past as an SO, but whilst in gaol, I came out as gay, something I have struggled with al of my life. In 2019 one of my best friends inside (who is also an SO) decided to transition to female, which I supported 100%. In 2022 she began to write to me, as we were at different Correctional Centre, and share that she'd had feelings for me from the day we met in 2014, I was 44 and he was 21. We were at the same Correctional Centre during 2023 - 2024 at which time our relationship developed and we are now a couple. However her being inside still makes it hard. If she is successful in getting Commonwealth Parole on 25th July, it does not mean we can be together. So that in itself is another issue I am trying to work thought.

I am currently living on a remote rural property 250 acres by myself, 30 minutes from the closest town, where the population of the whole region is 8,000. Coming from the city prior to gaol, this has been an incredible shock to the system, however I love it out here, the peace and quiet and the stillness, it is great for the soul, and for my anxiety and PTSD. I do get lonely sometimes due to not having many friends and I have even less now, because someone got out of gaol on an ESO and contacted me - I did not want anything to do with them, as a result I have now been hit with a CPPO, and as a result can not contact any of my friends inside, they cannot call, and I cannot write to them or do video visits with them, except for my partner, which surprised me that they allowed it.

Well I have probably said enough, I'd be interested to hear back from people to see what they think and offer me some direction to how I can not be depressed every single day for no reason...the cats think I am crazy cause I talk things over out loud - is this a good idea?