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Talking through trauma and PTSD

New Member

pink_chic01 Casual Contributor

New Member

Hi I have just found sane after struggling with my mental health for 6 months after a psychotic episode in December due to a mix of substance use and a family issue involving my husband and mother having sexual relations which I unfortunately witnessed. I ended up in hospital for 30 days unable to comprehend what had occurred. I am now three months clean off substances seeing a psychologist, drug counsellor, receiving TMS treatment, new antidepressants as my old antidepressants became drug resistant due to taking them for over 10 years and regular appointments with my GP. I am now limited contact with my mother due to her not taking accountability and still drinking alcohol which lead to the event. I am trying to work through issues with my husband however I struggle everyday with this decision, I have four young children with my husband, the oldest is 11 and my youngest is 2 years old I have difficulty being alone so unable to parent my kids alone I can’t even look after myself I struggle to get out of bed everyday. I have suicidal thoughts at least everyday and don’t know how to cope with life. I feel as if I am just getting through the days surviving not really living life. I don’t know what I expect from this post I just feel like everyone would be better off without me and I can’t handle living with this pain everyday

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In response to: New Member

MissGremlin Senior Contributor

Re: New Member

Hello @pink_chic01 and welcome to the forums.

I am so sorry you are going through this. What you experienced and witnessed is a huge and painful betrayal from 2 people who were supposed to protect and love you. It makes complete sense that your mind and body went into shock, and it is completely understandable that you're struggling to comprehend it or find joy in living right now.

I understand that feeling, that everyone would be better off without you but that thought isn't the truth, it comes from the pain you are carrying and what you've been through. Your 4 beautiful children need their mum and the fact that you are waking up and surviving every single day even when it feels impossible shows a huge strength that you have within.

I want to say how proud of you I am, to be working so hard to get yourself better, doing TMS, seeing a psychologist, a drug counsellor, and working with your GP. That is a phenomenonal effort even when things have felt so hard. Being 3 months clean is absolutely incredible, well done.

Please know that you're not alone here, we're here for you. Keep reaching out to your professional supports and I truly hope things start to feel better for you soon. Sending hugs to you if you'd like them ❤️.

In response to: New Member

pink_chic01 Casual Contributor

Re: New Member

Thank you

In response to: New Member

Snowie Senior Contributor

Re: New Member

Hi @pink_chic01

Firstly, welcome to Sane forums. I hope you find the help/support you are looking for.

I think it's great that you are getting the help you need and continuing with your supports. Even that isn't easy.

Whilst my children are older than yours, they were quite young when I had my first break down and ended up being admitted. I totally understand how hard it is to get out of bed each day, to face each new day, to try put on that brave face, to constantly feel that pain. It can be exhausting. It can affect us physically and mentally.

I also understand the constant suicidal thoughts. Thinking they would be better off without me. They wouldn't have to deal with me every day. They are hard to contain, hard to ignore, hard to lock away.

I just want you to know you are not alone. There are others here that 'understand'.

I do want to acknowledge just how strong you are. How resilient you are, how much you are fighting. If you weren't these things then you wouldn't even be reaching out for help. You would have given up on that a long time ago. But somewhere in your mind it's telling you that I have got things to fight for, that I am worth fighting for. Just showing up to sessions can be half the battle.

Keep fighting because you are worth it.

In response to: New Member

pink_chic01 Casual Contributor

Re: New Member

Aww thank you for your message that was very nice 😊

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