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Managing relationships

How to cope with a mother in a psychosis

MelanieOhio New Contributor

How to cope with a mother in a psychosis

Hi everyone,

My mum has bipolar depressive disorder and with age has only gotten worse and worse. I am now in my mid 30's and have dealt with this illness affecting her my entire life. Things have not been easy. But they have recently gotten very bad.

She lives in rural Victoria, in a tiny town and is quite isolated. She is on the disability pension so doesn't work, she doesn't have many friends and I can imagine is quite lonely. She also has a history of smoking weed which ebbs and flows. I have never been a fan of her and weed, I think she does it more than she lets on as she knows how I feel about it.

All three of her daughters live in the city approximately 3 hours from her. We work shift work and so going home on the weekends is quite tricky whilst also maintaining our own lives and resting. She has been a tricky person to navigate, often hurtful towards us so we don't all jump at the thought of going to her house to visit. She recently told me she was suicidal. All three of us kids rallied around her, took leave from work and went to spend days with her to try and help the situation. She then left the state to seek help from a certain therapist, but on the way home her car broke down which caused her a lot of stress and triggered a psychosis.

I spoke to her on the phone, she was talking of things in 'other realms' and asked to borrow $10K from me, I sadly had to say no as I don't have a spare $10k to which she became angry and then hung up, texting me to say she will be blocking me from here, to which she did.

I now can't contact her. I am at a loss for what to do. I often tear up during the day because the situation is so overwhelming and I feel helpless, the weight of this is making me withdraw as I just need to nurture myself and stay home. My partner is supportive but can't fully understand. I feel as though my mum will never be 'better' and that my life and relationship with her is always going to be this unpredictable rollercoaster. I selfishly wish I just had a mum I could go to in the need of help but I feel as though I am the mum and she the daughter who is mentally unwell. When family is broken likes our is, there is not many people who can step in and help.

As a child I used to see homeless people and think 'where are their families, who could let them get to this point' but now with age I feel I can relate, I dont want to give up on my family but I feel under prepared for the burden that is taking on the load myself whilst also trying to be a normal 30 something year old.

Years ago we had health services step in and she was hospitalized but it went terribly as she is against all authority, hates police, is a conspiracy believer etc. When you feel that there is no one to ask for help where do you go? I have stopped talking to friends about this as I am sick of being the girl who has mummy issues.

2 replies

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In response to: How to cope with a mother in a psychosis

Tolly Moderator

Re: How to cope with a mother in a psychosis

Hi @MelanieOhio, welcome to the Forums and thank you for sharing what you have been going through. If you haven't already, please visit the below link and say hi if you want to, to the community and let them know you are new here 🌺 It is so difficult to support a parent like this especially when your Mum has blocked you at the moment. You couldn't possible have come up with all that money and even if you had been able to lend it to her it probably would have led to more problems longer term. I know it feels bad, but you did the right thing, and you need those boundaries even if it is difficult. You can't be expected to carry this alone. Perhaps at the moment not being able to communicate or being blocked might in some ways be an opportunity for you to just catch your breath, do some things for yourself and be with your partner and reconnect with your own life and what gives you pleasure and meaning. You are doing all that you can, so I hope you can be really gentle with yourself 💜 and acknowledge just how much you have already done and will continue to do.

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In response to: How to cope with a mother in a psychosis

MatchaToad Peer Guide

Re: How to cope with a mother in a psychosis

Hey @MelanieOhio

I just want to take a moment to acknowledge the sheer weight of what you're carrying right now. What you are feeling isn't selfish in the slightest; it is a completely normal grieving response to an incredibly exhausting situation. It is so heartbreaking to parent your own parent, especially when that relationship has already been fraught and hurtful 💚

Since your mum is in a rural area and has a deep distrust of authority and police, standard welfare checks can feel terrifying to initiate. However, you don't have to do this alone, and it doesn't automatically mean the police will show up on her doorstep. I really recommend contacting the relevant local public mental health triage service. They operate 24/7. You can call them to report that she is in an active psychosis and has expressed suicidal ideation recently. You can also request advice from the Crisis Assessment and Treatment Team (CATT). They are trained mental health clinicians who may conduct home visits or coordinate care. When you call, explicitly mention her paranoia regarding authority/police so they can note it.

I know you mentioned feeling like the family let those homeless people down, but what you're seeing now is the brutal reality of how you cannot control a severe mental illness. The anger and the blocking are the psychosis talking, not truly your mum. Saying no to the money was the right and necessary boundary to set. When someone is in an altered state, financial exploitation or erratic spending is common, and you protected both of you by holding that line.

It is incredibly isolating when friends don't understand, and it's completely fair that you're tired of talking about it to people who can't relate. You need peers who actually get it. So, coming on here and talking about what has been happening for you is a great start! 💚

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