Crooked Pathway

Nice to hear from you @Breakfast68 - you have been on my mind.

While I don’t know you beyond this forum, I have a sense of you as someone who loves deeply - no wonder this current situation feels so heartbreaking. But I also sense someone who is strong - who has already overcome many hurdles to get where you are today - so don’t forget that part of you.

The best direction to take is the one that allows you to be true to your own values. It really seems like your values are very different from those of your partner. When we stand by our values, our decisions may be hard but they sit right within us.

I hope you have been able to access some legal and financial advice - I think you said you were in Vic - have you tried this service?https://www.vals.org.au/about-legal-services/family-practice/

Of for financial advice you can try https://braverytrust.org.au/

it sounds like you have some challenging circumstances, as well as Open Arms there is the MensLine service (https://mensline.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/ and for culturally specific men’s support you can try https://www.vahs.org.au/mens-unit/

You don’t have to shoulder this alone

@Magpie22 @Thank you for the kind advice. Everything has almost claimed me twice in the last 4 months. The last time in ICU.
It has ruined me. Now the fight changes to the courtroom where I am trying to move forward and get protections in place for myself.
Those same thoughts never leave and it is always a struggle to keep going. I need the truth to be heard, but her actions and lies are now secure behind authorities who have believed her.
I want my cultural property back and yet she is fighting to retain it. Why does someone who supported a racist through a local football club, and who ignored my cultural advice want to keep my property of my culture???? It bewilders me.

I am so exhausted and tired of fighting against the lies.

Hey @Breakfast68, thank you for reaching out to the Forums!

It sounds like you are going through quiet a bit at the moment with losing your cultural property and going to court. You are demonstrating that you are really brave and courageous by sharing your story here on the Forums with your peers. It's not easy to be vulnerable and talk about what we are going through.

We can often have thoughts about harming ourselves or wanting to take our own lives when we are facing huge challenges like you are. I have been there myself and had to rebuild my life after a couple of uncompleted suicideds. It can be really beneficial to reach out to chat with someone when we are in the moment. I will pop a few numbers here for you and please do consider adding them to you contacts in your phone:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Lifeline Chat

Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 or Beyond Blue Webchat

1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732, www.1800respect.org.au

Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 or Online Counselling

Samaritans: 135 247 (24/7)

Listen Well: 1300 111 500 https://www.wellways.org/our-services/listenwell-warmline/

13YARN: 139276 Contact us

Brother to brother: 1800 435 799 Brother to brother

If in immediate danger: 000 www.triplezero.gov.au/triple-zero/How-to-Call-000

I encourage you to continue to reach out and share your experiences with the community too!

Take care

RiverSeal

@RiverSeal Thank you. It’s the lies and narcissism which hurts the most.
I had made to decision that to go and I was actually gone, but for some unknown reason she contacted people who snaked their way in through a window and a helicopter ride later, I was back in the middle of it all again.
I was at peace with my decision and calm in my surroundings.

Now I find myself going over the same things constantly and no contact.
I continually ask myself - Why would she bring me back and still want to continue hurting me. I was gone and her problems solved. No more fighting and no more pain for me.
I have learnt from that and will move forward in my own pathway and rebuild again. Only stronger and with boundaries

Hey @Breakfast68 I think it sounds like trying to understand your ex’s reasons for her actions is an exercise in futility… maybe part of your crooked pathway is leaving that wondering behind. Sometimes there is no explanation - or at least not one that makes any sense. Going down the legal route seems your only option.

as well as the other resources provided, you might find this group helpful https://www.veteranalt2su.com/ - its peer-led and veteran specific.

Hi @Breakfast68,

I'm really sorry to hear how hard things are for you right now. Have you had a chance yet to reach out to some of the resources the others here have commented?

I hope you are taking some time each day to do something kind for yourself, even if it's just a minute or two!

Hey @Breakfast68

Just wanted to add my voice to others here. I am thinking of you and wishing the best for you. You are strong and brave and a survivor. Hold in there and fight for a new life. She didn't deserve you anyway. Hopefully the step kids will find their way back into your life when they are older. Save space for them.

@Breakfast68 Most people just keep walking without ever stopping to notice. Awareness is key 🔑 and you have it ♡

The question you're sitting with - whether to stay on the pathway and make your own directions or let others give you false direction - that's the real question, isn't it?

Not "what should I do?" but "who gets to decide?"

Here's what I'm curious about, if you're willing to explore it:
• When you think about making your own directions on this path - what actually matters to you? Not what you think should matter, or what mattered before everything got complicated. Right now, today - what do you value?

And I'm genuinely asking, not because I've got answers, but because sometimes when we're stuck between staying put and following someone else's map, we forget we can ask ourselves what we're actually moving toward.

What gets you curious? Not motivated necessarily, just... interested. What catches your attention in a good way?

What brings you even small moments of ease? ...those brief windows where your system isn't completely on alert.

What feels true to you right now? Even if it's inconvenient or doesn't fit the story others have about who you should be...

You mentioned life being cruel, and people you loved unconditionally throwing everything in your face - that's heavy stuff to carry. Financial abuse while trying to rebuild is real, and it's exhausting. I'm not going to pretend there's some simple reframe for that.

But I am wondering > in the middle of all this complexity and betrayal and rebuilding - what still matters to you? What's worth protecting, even if everything else is uncertain?

What version of "your own direction" would actually feel like yours, not just a reaction against the false directions others are offering?

No pressure to have answers. Sometimes just sitting with these questions helps us notice what's actually important versus what we think we're supposed to care about.

You don't have to have it figured out. You just have to know what matters to you ♡

@ccau_82 Thanks for the response.
What matters most for me is my own peace.

To be able to make my decisions moving forward and be at ease with whatever I decide.

But I am still aware that there will be others who will make their own choices to deliberately side track me. I’m not interested in that life anymore. I will make the choices I want to, as opposed to need to!

There will be days where I will lot want to get up, and n have been in that space for many many months already. But, I get up! First thing to accomplished for the day.

Being at peace also means I can relax and take a breath when needed. I don’t need negativity or people who wish to drag me down to their level.

I am content where life finds me now & I will protect that and myself from distractions.

I am at peace

Hi @Breakfast68,

I wanted to pop back in here and see how you're doing- It's been a while since we've heard from you and I really hope you're doing well 🙂

How have things been going? Shout out anytime as we are always here to support you.