Coping with new diagnoses

Hey @Mothlet - glad you decided to share with us, I'm hearing how much these diagnoses have thrown you. And very fair! I think BPD (and HPD by the sounds of it) is still unfortunately an incredibly stigmatised diagnosis.

Something I've found helpful to try to remember (even if not everyone in the MH system approaches it this way) is that the purpose of diagnosis is to guide treatment. It's supposed to be descriptive, not prescriptive - i.e. no diagnosis can ever encapsulate the richness of our complexity, they cannot tell us how our experiences shape us, they only describe patterns in how humans respond to trauma.

I can tell you now, you do NOT have to listen to any of the awful things that can be said about these diagnoses. Many descriptions approach these experiences from the outside looking in - they often describe how it impacts others moreso than what it is like to actually experience it. We are allowed to be 'attention-seeking' because as human beings, social connection is a need, and when we didn't receive enough of the kind of attention we needed as kids, we crave it from wherever we can find it.

You've also reminded me of something I have spoken to my therapist about recently - 'manipulative behaviours' that essentially function to pull people closer. Self-harm can be one way we do this; I've also been known to (without really meaning to) have an emotional meltdown in order to prevent my partner from leaving, and similar things. It can leave me with awful feelings of guilt and shame later on, and I've called myself manipulative for doing so.

My therapist said that when we have complex developmental trauma, like in the case of BPD and C-PTSD, our attachment systems are wounded, because as children we didn't have enough emotional safety to feel secure. The abandonment wound can run so, so deep, and sometimes we end up feeling like we are back to being that little child within us. She said to me, "Would you call a 5 year old manipulative?" "No...I guess not."

We may not like our behaviours, but for me it has been really helpful to understand them better, to see that they're not some sign of being a horrible person, they're just the maladaptive ways that my mind tries to feel connected, and tries to protect me from real or perceived hurt.

I don't think you lack insight, because you are literally demonstrate reflective capacity by opening up this thoughtful conversation, with the intention I imagine, of feeling like you can understand yourself better!

I'll tag one of our members, @BPDSurvivor, to share some of their experiences too.

You're not alone 💜

Thank you, I appreciate the response. I guess I'm just tired. Tired of myself, of the mental health system and of the journey to so-called recovery. The assessor and my psychologist asked if there's any family I can tell so that I can be supported. They were very adamant that my family come in for psychoeducation which doesn't make any sense to me at all, given that they've said that the actions of my parents are what lead to the CPTSD anyways. I have no other family in Australia. I do feel very alone.

Hey @Mothlet ,

Thank you for sharing what's been happening for you recently.

I'm sorry to hear how alone you feel right now.

I wonder if part of asking your family members to attend the psychoeducation sessions is for them to understand how some of their actions contribute to your mental health challenges? I really don'tn know. Would you consider asking the facilitators running the session?

Do you have friends or trusted people you can reach out to?

Feel free to tag people into your replies by typing "@" in front of their name e.g. @Jynx

@tyme thanks for the reply, I appreciate it.

I don't think my family would take being told that their actions have contributed to my mental health challenges very well. I honestly hardly consider myself as someone with a trauma history despite being told so.

I have friends I can talk to, but I think I'm an exhausting person to deal with, always in an out of crisis. Eventually people get tired of that, not cause they're bad friends, but because they're human. I'll be fine one moment and then suicidal the next. I feel like a hopeless case to be honest, like no one has the capacity to deal with me

Hi Mothlet,

I'm glad you reached out, thanks for posting. Processing diagnoses is a lot, it takes time, and its important to be kind to yourself a long the way.

In your post you said "This psych eval was a re-evaluation.", which shows me this isn't your first time processing diagnoses that don't fully resonate with your own identity. What helped you through last time you had the post-diagnostic rumination? Was there anything in particular you feel helped guide you or soothe you while the dust settles?

Do you have a therapist? It's good to process these things in supported relationships.

Things are hard right now, they won't always be. love and light.

@Mothlet

You’re so much more than just a diagnosis. That diagnosis doesn’t have to be the centre of your identity, nor do you have to see yourself differently because of it. You’re not this terrible person all of a sudden just because of an evaluation.

All it really should do is get you the most supportive ongoing help for your specific needs.

You’re still you underneath the doubt and self loathing, and you’ll find yourself again even if it doesn’t feel like it now.

Thank you, I appreciate this !! 🖤

just popping in to add some tags so the members are notified of your response @Mothlet 😊

@SleeplessRaven @PeerWorker1, i believe the above responses are for you.

Hey @Mothlet how've you been going? Just wanted to stop by and see how things are 😊