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Shoulder to Shoulder: Veterans

how are your boundaries?

ccau_82 Peer Guide

how are your boundaries?

That moment of awareness when you realise you've given everything to everyone else and have nothing left for yourself or your kids.

I used to think being a "good person" meant saying yes to everything - every request, every favour, every crisis someone else couldn't handle. I'd show up for everyone... except the people who mattered most.

My body was screaming "STOP" but I kept pushing through because that's what "good people" do, right?

Wrong.....

Turns out my kids didn't need a martyr mum who was always exhausted and resentful. They needed someone who could actually be present with them, not someone running on empty trying to save the world.

Learning to say "I can't help with that right now" or "That doesn't work for our family" felt selfish at first. But you know what happened?

• I had energy to actually listen when my kid had a bad day.
• I could be silly and laugh instead of just managing and surviving.
• I stopped snapping at the people I love most because I wasn't constantly depleted.

Your family needs YOUR energy more than strangers need your endless availability.

Setting boundaries isn't selfish - it's making sure the people who matter most get the best of you, not what's left of you.

What's one thing you could say no to this week so you can say yes to what really matters? 

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In response to: how are your boundaries?

Oaktree Senior Contributor

Re: how are your boundaries?

@ccau_82

I can relate to this!

Trying to be all things for everyone else.

I am exhausted.

I need to stop being a people pleaser.

I need to set healthy boundaries.

The only trouble is that setting boundaries can feel like confrontation and I am not a fan of that.

In response to: Re: how are your boundaries?

ccau_82 Peer Guide

Re: how are your boundaries?

I used to think boundaries meant having big dramatic conversations or arguments.

I learnt most boundaries aren't confrontational at all. They're just... quiet shifts.

Like:
- "I can't make it to that" (no long explanation needed)
- "That doesn't work for me" (simple, not aggressive)
- Just not responding to every text immediately (no confrontation required)
- "I'm not available that day" (factual, not apologetic)


Start tiny. Like, really tiny. Maybe it's just not saying "sorry" when you can't do something that was never your responsibility anyway.

Most people respect boundaries way more than we think they will. And the ones who don't? That tells you everything you need to know about them.

You're not responsible for managing everyone else's emotions - you're responsible for having enough left in your tank for the people who actually matter most to you.... @Oaktree

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