Acceptance is hard work

Totally @grayhorn .

I always tell people I'm just the avg Joe. Nothing special about me, so if someone like me can improve from severe and chronic MH, then others have hope too.

Great to see you @grayhorn

Hey @NightFury , I followed up with your Guided Recovery call. I'm not sure which thread we were discussing it. Hope you hear from them soon!

@tyme thank you! I really do appreciate it.

Hi @NightFury

I'm fortunate to live in the Byron Shire Northern Rivers NSW, a region that is less conservative and offers a wide range of alternative therapies. I imagine finding my community here was a little easier than it might be in other places.

As I've gotten older, I'vew found a sense of freesom in caring less about what others think of me. Age has been liberating in that way.

I try to surround myself with like minded people who support my beliefs. When our practices don't align, I do my best to stay open minded and respectful of their choices. I believe we all have the right to follow our own paths.

When it comes to family, things can be complex. I truly sympathise with the loneliness and isolation that can come from feeling unsupported by family or friends.

While my family and I don't always share the same beliefs or practices, I do my best to respect our differences. Even if they don't agree with or understand my choices, I expect, at the very least, that they respect my right to live my life how I choose. There are definitely times of conflict, and when it happens, I try to deal with it with curiosity and no judgement. I've come to realise that much of their resistance comes from fear of the unknown. Their hesitation makes sense when I remember they may not trust or understand these alternative therapies I use.

It can be really hard to go against family expectations, but in the end, I choose to honour my own path. I also accept that some resistance is likely and try not to be too defensive.

I truly hope you find your tribe and community.... this is a great place to start!

XXAlisse

@Alisse thank you for sharing!

I'm struggling with words today...but...

It's great that you've found your community. I lived for a while in Hervey Bay and that too was a less traditional community. I found space there and attended breath work sessions weekly and weekly sound healing, but I'm no longer living in that community. Here it's a little more..each to their own and I do feel the loneliness, but I've only been home for ten weeks, so I might stumble on something here, who knows?

@Alisse @tyme today's been kinda tough

Grief got me good. I've had to use lots of distraction just so that I don't sit and wallow.

I've tried to delete this post...and tried to reword it...why is it so hard to ask for what you need?

Does anyone have a spare minute for a chat?

Hey @NightFury ,

I'm sorry to hear you were struggling a bit yesterday. I'm here if you need a chat. Please tag me in.

Hugs to you. I'm thinking about you.

@tyme First thing's first...I'm safe.

But if I'm honest and I acknowledge it out loud, I think I'm actually a little bit scared.

I've kind of kept away from the forum for a little bit today because I don't know if being here is stirring the pot, so to speak. I'm going to try and explain this in some kind of logical sense...but I apologise in advance if it isn't logical.

I started yesterday off with the realisation that it was my Aunt's 80th birthday. She passed in May last year. I was in Queensland and couldn't make it home for the funeral. I had to say goodbye and watch her funeral live through the screen of my computer. And it was so hard. Today, we had a family gathering to celebrate her sister's 70th birthday (my other aunt). It was initially planned as a combined birthday. For me though, it felt like a chance to finally engage with my family in their grief and to finally let down the walls of my own grief. My aunt who passed last year, she was a safe person for me growing up. She was really important in my life as a child - not so much as an adult, but she was one of those relatives who was ever present in the background and who made me feel good.

For some reason, that became a spiral where I hit my triggers. I went to bed last night, knowing that I was somewhat worked up and sleep was going to be difficult. But I did fall asleep and woke in the middle of the night from a nightmare. I don't even remember what it was about, but my heart was racing. I spent some time on here, using distraction as regulation and then remembered your advice and downloaded the Smiling Mind Ap and did one of the sleep meditations. It didn't put me to sleep, but it helped me to calm the farm enough to go back to sleep. I woke again a couple of hours later feeling scared for no apparent reason (it's not the first time, it happens sometimes).

It's really complicated - Last year I lived with a friend and it became an unsafe situation for me. When I moved back, I lived with my parents for eight weeks. I've not lived by myself for close to a year and a half. There's a distinct lack of noise in the house of a night, and a lack of light (as a side note, I'm afraid of the dark and need to have some light to feel safe). I don't know whether I'm just adjusting, whether I'm slipping, whether I finally have the space and the safety to deal with my "stuff" or whether being here on the forums is hitting on things that are making me feel all stirred up.

Thank you to being so honest in your post. @NightFury

I'm sorry to hear that this is a difficult time for you and the symptoms of grief are affecting you. It sounds incredibly hard. At the same time, I have to acknowledge your effort in working on a mindfulness program in the night.

I'm here if you want to talk about your aunt. I'm aware that talking about your grief can be helpful. Are there things you want to remember and celebrate of her life?

When some people feel they get triggered, they stay to only certain threads. Feel free to do this if think it will help.

I'm here for you.

@tyme my Aunt was the strongest person I know. When I was a child, she suffered from a stroke and lost the use of her right side. She couldn't remember words, and would lose her train of thought when talking to you. But she never ever gave up on herself. She would call people, "dolly" and she always got her point across and could have a good joke at herself when she messed up her words. I would spend time with my aunt and uncle over school holidays and they lived just down the road from Nan's. They had a shack on an island off of Tassie and we would go fishing and gather as a family. She and I would watch the boats on the water. She was so accepting and progressive when her son came out, and found the love of his life and adopted a child.

Later on in life, she got cancer...and it just...was too much for her to fight.

Not being there at the funeral...and having to deal with my grief alone...I was so angry and frustrated and isolated from the people I wanted to be around the most. I couldn't get time off work and because of the situation I was in, I was stuck in QLD and not in a great place mentally and emotionally and it was so difficult to say goodbye to someone I loved through a computer screen.

I dreamt of her before she passed, she was in her hospital bed with family around her and we had a discussion about how she had other people waiting for her on the other side and she was going to meet my Nan and have a cuppa tea.

My Grandfather's health is declining rapidly and among other things and reasons, it was a big motivator for me to come home. I couldn't do it again. I couldn't say goodbye to him through a computer screen. I had to make sure that I was there.